And so here we are. One day before the Super Bowl. Or, as I like to think of it, one night before the Super Bowl. You can have Super Bowl XLVI betwen the New England Patriots and the New York Giants in Indianapolis. Yours truly will take Super Bowl XLIV in Miami. Or, as I like to think of it, the night before that game. The reason for such selective memory?
The 2008 Maxim Hometown Hottie winner who has remained a presence with the Maxim brand (you can catch a nice pair of her “Maximum Exposure” videos below) — and also is part of Speed TV and of “Guy Code” on MTV2 — is a friend. Also a talented beauty.
She was attending a Maxim party the night before SB XLIV. It was on Miami Beach. Meanwhile, your humble correspondent was covering the Lingerie Football League’s “Lingerie Bowl” between the Los Angeles Temptation and the Chicago Bliss in Hollywood, Fla. The idea was to cover the LFL title game and get to the party in time to enjoy some of the festivities.
The game started late, ended late. During the contest, April texted, wondering where I was. I explained and told her I would be there as soon as I could. Then again, I figured the party would last late into the night and morning. The game ended, and off it was to Miami Beach — in traffic that resembled Chicago on a Friday night.
S-l-o-w does not begin to describe the traffic. Not to mention the gas gauge on the rental minivan (lesson learned: always specify what type of vehicle) showed the car needed fueling. But no time to stop for gas — no fooling (or fueling).
Again April texted to inquire about my whereabouts. Getting closer. But still not close. Another text said the party was ending at 2 a.m. and they were going to kick her out of the hotel where it was being held.
“Three blocks away,” I texted back — not knowing that those would be the longest (in distance and time) in the history of the western world. Possibly the eastern, too.
Finally through a maze of vehicles and people partying, the minivan arrived at April’s location. There she was in a clingy dress and accompanied by one of the Maxim honchos. She hopped in the vehicle. After apologizing profusely, I learned she was starving. She must have been too busy interviewing people on the red carpet, etc. to find food. So off we went looking for a restaurant.
We found one and a parking spot nearby. After I parallel-parked like a pro, April had a chance to slip into something more comfortable — in the car. Now I have to admit it’s not every day a beautiful woman takes her clothes off — or on — with me alongside. Shocking to find that out, I know. To think one of the most fetching females on the planet was doing so was almost beyond comprehension.
Of course, I averted my eyes as she slithered into her jeans. Of course. As we exited the minivan, two guys walking down the sidewalk who had witnessed April’s gyrations made a remark that indicated they must have thought they had seen something other than a quick-change performance.
I have to admit that evening was one of the highlights of my career as Quick Hits columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times. That and having the opportunity to meet and interview Anna Kournikova a few years ago — it doesn’t get much better than either of those experiences.
Of course, explaining to one’s wife that a beautiful woman changed clothes in the front seat of a car in which you are seated can be challenging. Which explains why yours truly didn’t even bother trying for more than a few days.
Anyway, this year April is in Indianapolis for SB XLVI. I am not. She is one of the hosts for a Maxim party Sunday before the game. I’m hoping she might bring back some small souvenir. If not, that’s OK, too.
After all, we’ll always have Miami Beach.
Here is April from part of a recent photo shoot (if this doesn’t get your mind off football, please seek therapy — and soon):
Also partying on Super Bowl Sunday will be the fine folks at Hooters. Here is one of the final eight contestants for Hooters Dream Girl 2012, Kalen Hayden (she has a sports background, in case that matters to anyone out there):
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